5 Steps for Identifying Your Core Values
Written by Tricia Moore

As we individually observe the change the ‘shelter in place’ order has brought into our lives, without question each of us has had the internal conversation, “What do I want to keep in my life going forward?” Or, “This has been really tough, what decisions do I need to make as a leader, parent, or business owner to get through this time?” Enter ‘core values’.

What are Core Values?

Core values are your set of personal rules and guidelines for how you navigate the events, situations and people you encounter in life.

Why Are Core Values Important?

Life isn’t black and white. We can be thrown into tough situations from time to time, COVID-19 is a perfect example. Situations where the right thing to do isn’t obvious. Knowing which values are most important to you before these situations arise will help you make better decisions about what is next in our lives as we rebuild and observe.

How to Define Your Core Values

Now that you know why values are important, you can begin the process of defining your unique set of core values. Here’s an exercise with five steps to help you define your personal values. 

Step 1:  Find Your Zen

Deciding on your list of personal values is an important but complex process. It’s not something you can do after a long day or evening. It’s best to give yourself several hours on a day off to find your zen. Relax in your favorite chair. Go for a run. Sit on your deck. Set yourself up to allow uninterrupted thoughts to flow.

It is recommended that you take something with you to record your thoughts. For this, you could use a smartphone or a good, old-fashioned pen and notebook.

Step 2: Examine Your Background

Values are like your grandfather’s Rolex – passed down and cherished. Culture and family are forever. Those two things shape who you are as a person. Unlike your grandfather’s Rolex, family and culture are two things that money can’t buy.

Examine your background to embody the spirit of your family. Include their traditions, strengths, weaknesses, quirks, habits, and tendencies. Ask yourself these two questions:

What personal values does my family hold?

Before you can define your own set of values, you must recognize the values your family holds. Maybe you had a great-grandfather who immigrated to North America, started his own business, and kept it going throughout the Great Depression. He passed his values of hard work, diversity, and perseverance to your grandfather, who passed them to your father, who passed them down to you. There is always a core influence behind the values you hold, but you need to identify where they came from in order to keep passing them along.

What personal values do I want to pass along to my children?

After you have identified the values passed on to you from your family, you have to decide which values you want to pass on to your children. Now ask yourself how you’ll make sure your children receive these values. Maybe you help them start and grow their own business in high school. Maybe you take them with you to volunteer at a soup kitchen.

Step 3: Examine Your Influences

It should be pretty easy to identify who you look up to. Who are your mentors? Most of us have a mentor who has helped to shape us into the person or two who has shaped us into the person we are today. Sometimes, that person is a parent, or  neighbor. Other times, it’s a boss or friend. More difficult than the who is the why. Ask yourself:

Why do I look up to this person?

I’m sure you’ll find that there are very specific things that stand out as you answer this.

What makes them unique? Notice how they react in tough situations, how they lead or follow, and how they treat others.

What values guide their actions?

Once you examine how your role models act, try to determine what values guide them. Maybe you can recognize that no matter how bad a situation gets, your boss never loses his cool. Instead, she rolls up her sleeves and tackles the problem head-on. It’s safe to say that your boss likely values perseverance, patience, and poise. 

Step 4: Examine Your Choices

If you have not chiseled your own core values into stone, examining the choices you’ve made in life can help you to better define them. Ask yourself:

Who are my closest friends?

Your friends are a reflection of the type of person you are…whether you like it or not. Examine your friendships—how they started and why they have endured. Often, you share similar values with those you are closest to.

How do I respond to hardship or fortune?

The way you react to challenging emotional situations can shed light on the type of values you hold. Some people meet hardship with negative emotion, while others put on a game face in order to tackle it directly.

How do I treat others around me?

Examine how you interact with people. The way you form relationships with other people is a good indicator of your personal values. If you’re the kind of person who always makes the group laugh, humor might be one of your personal values. Or, if you prefer to help people solve their problems, you might highly value logic.

Take a moment to reflect on step four, I know I certainly have. I love and appreciate this process of reflection.

Step 5: Brainstorm

Remember when teachers would have you make weird lists and draw bubbles before deciding on which essay topic to write about? If you’re like me, this step of the planning process frustrates you. But here’s the thing: It’s crucial to brainstorm important decisions. Take that pen and paper (or smartphone) and begin listing values that come to you. As you do, keep in mind that you are using your background, past choices, and influences to form this list.

If you end up with an extensive lineup, that’s ok! It may be necessary to weed through your list and concentrate on the 10 or 20 values that are most important to you. Don’t be afraid to put your list down, reflect, and come back to it another time. This is often the best way to make important, potentially life changing decisions.