Healthy Competition, Toxic Comparison, and Me
Written by Aush Chatman
Competition is a fascinating part of nature to me, it is found throughout nature, and I agree with the old adage that (when healthy) it brings the best out in us. At Invictus Fitness, and inside CrossFit in general, we use competition as a means to do just that. To help us push just a little bit further, to help us reach into the realm of the uncomfortable, so that we can be forged and refined into a better version of ourselves.
But the key to all of that is that we indeed remain ourselves (cue ominous foreshadow music as we will come back to this identity piece).
Let’s talk comparison first. Part of this title is “toxic” comparison, but comparison by itself is really a neutral party and therefore can be used for good or bad, depending on how it is wielded.
Undoubtedly you cannot compete without comparison. Objectively or even subjectively a score of some kind must be assigned to the participating parties and a comparison of those scores must be made to determine who won.
If I were to compete with Tino on let’s say max squat – spoiler alert: Tino’s going to beat me. Quick pause, how in the world is he so strong? I have no idea, it is inexplicable how his body does what it does, I am not hating, I’m not bitter, all I am saying is it is inexplicable, he is in a word “amazeballs” but I digress. After we lift and I hit my weight, and he nearly doubles it on his attempt, comparison is made and he wins the competition.
NOW what I do with this comparison is crucial to my mental health and my future training projection and I am not overstating that. Healthy comparison which leads to healthy competition is to keep external things external and use them as feedback. You got me this time, congrats Tino, I’m coming for you next time bro!
But, if I make this internal, which is to say I start to make IDENTITY (I am) statements about myself based on outcome, this is where I get into trouble. If I say, “Pfft, that figures, I always have sucked at squatting”. Now I am starting to form thoughts that are taking external elements and meshing them with who I am.
This is very important, no outcome, no mistake, no loss, no win can define who I am. Identity, by definition, is internal not external. I bring who I am to the world, the world then provides feedback, and it can help me further shape who I am, but it does NOT define who I am.
So I would encourage us all to pay attention to the thoughts and words we say in the midst of comparison. Watch how you compare yourself to others, do you tend to mesh I am statements based on how you externally measure up against someone else, whether it’s looks, performance, status, etc. And also during competition, keep the external things outside, no matter the outcome. Outcome can be great, winning a medal, beating your buddy in the workout, winning the CrossFit Games, etc. But true honor is independent of outcome. Because true honor is awarded based on who you are, and who you are cannot be defined by external means. And I am betting who you are, is kinda great!
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