My CrossFit Experience at Invictus

My CrossFit Experience at Invictus
Written by New Invictus Member Mitch Perlman

Prologue…

I signed up for the Invictus Fundamentals course last week, which consists of six private lessons before they’d allow me to attend a group CrossFit class. With my payment made, I couldn’t wait to see the results. I immediately went home and ripped off my clothes, expecting my body fat to have decreased proportionate to the decrease in my wallet. Boy, was I surprised! Nada! Note to self: Exercise patience! Look again after Day 6.

The Saga Begins – Day 1 at Invictus, Monday, with Coach Bryan Miller…

I decided to arrive with the right mental attitude. You know, to set the bar extremely low, so I’d be better positioned to receive accolades for being the most improved in the shortest period of time. Sadly, I found my bar to be pretty low without any effort on my part.

The rowing machine was my undoing, and when my skin tone turned the color of the Invictus Logo (green), Bryan took note. In his own empathic way, he laughed and informed me that I had “Rowed Burn,” which he wrote on the white board, of course, so that the other members might understand why I had become at one with the rubberized floor. At about two hours, now, post workout, the nausea is beginning to subside.

The Saga Continues – Day 2 at Invictus, Tuesday, with Coach Cat Blatner…

When I walked in, I was greeted enthusiastically by several of the staff and members. Clearly, these were the individuals who, against the odds, had bet that I’d return: at least for Day 2, anyway.

Cat asked if I’d ever worked with kettlebells. I shared that I grew up in a Jewish Community, so we didn’t play those things during Christmas time like they did at other elementary schools. My bad. Wrong kind of bells.

The rest of the workout was unremarkable. Note to self: If I turn green on Day 3, Bryan is trying to poison me. I should probably find out whether he bet for or against my return.

The Saga Continues – Day 3 at Invictus, Wednesday, with Coach Bryan (again)…

Observing the last few minutes of the previous class, I voiced my concern to Bryan about the possibility he had planned on my learning ‘Blurpies’. Bryan assured me that there were no blurpies in my routine. What a relief! But short-lived. Apparently, burpees (not Blurpies), as feared, were on today’s menu. Note to self: Bryan thinks he can be more amusing than me (and I think he’s trying to kill me).

Next, Bryan directs me to grab one of the jump ropes hanging on the wall. Admittedly, skipping rope was a breeze, until Bryan said that the rope needed to make two complete rotations before my feet hit the ground. I’m no fool. I could see exactly where this was going. Just like in Ice Skating, very soon a double jump wouldn’t be good enough, and Bryan would make me land the quad. I’d never get those most-improved / least amount of time accolades by showing-off the quad on my first day on “the rope,” so I only purposely gave in only to a single.

The Saga Continues – Day 4 at Invictus, Friday, with Coach Bryan (yet again)…

All in all, I’m feeling pretty good; that is, as long as I remain seated. My legs are so stiff that I can’t walk. Hell, I can’t even crawl, as bending them is not an option. Still, I made it back to Invictus for Day 4.

We worked primarily with weights today, and I was very pleased to see the following:

– that the Olympic style plates were all the same size (in circumference), varying only in thickness; and

– that the various barbells, although differently weighted, were virtually indistinguishable from each other.

I was able, then, to use a lighter weight, without any visible loss to the “Looking Studly” factor.

Unfortunately, the barbell & weights meant that today’s menu included yet a few more ways to do squats, which necessitated my breaking both of my legs. OK, maybe “bending” would be more accurate than “breaking,” but to me it felt more like they were breaking. Why else would I have let out that less than manly screech?

The Saga Continues – Day 5 at Invictus, Monday, with Coach Zach Erick…

On Becca’s advice, I’ve avoided the ‘no clothes mirror’ thing, but I couldn’t resist checking the scale. Suffice-it-to-say, I immediately went to the fridge and tossed out the rest of the chocolate truffle cake.

Having had a good night’s rest, I left for Invictus, but not before thinking that I should first try and rescue that chocolate truffle cake from its pending trash compactor doom.  Thankfully, I suppose, the cake had already met its demise.

Yes, today’s menu included yet a couple more ways to do squats. Who knew there were so many ways to do the one exercise that I had always avoided!?!  The good news is that my legs can now bend, and the pain has rescinded to being only background noise: albeit, a constant one.

Hmmm…Now that I think about it, that pain actually feels good. Note to self:  I think I may be becoming hooked.

Graduation Day – Day 6 at Invictus, Wednesday, with Coach Bryan (not again!)…

It’s Graduation Day! So I bought myself a graduation gift: a jump rope. Man, those CrossFit ropes are not cheap. The rope arrived yesterday, and judging by the amount of length I had to remove, this rope was obviously sized for an Olympian God/Goddess.

Anyway, armed with my rope and my finest Under Armour duds, I made it to my sixth and final “Intro to CrossFit” session with only two questions in mind:

– will I ever land the quad; and

– who bet against my surviving all six days.

In truth, since Invictus empowers individuals to accomplish their personal goals within a reasonable timeframe, for Invictus, it was never about whether I will ever land the quad and more about whether I really want to ever land the quad.

How can I close, though, without commenting on Bryan’s shoe collection? That boy has worn a different pair each day we’ve trained! And did I discern a competitive edge between Bryan and Zach about who wore the most outrageous pair of socks? Apparently, not only is the Invictus crowd serious about their workouts, but they can be seriously disinhibited when doing so, as well.

Now, about those accolades …

Mitch Perlman, Invictus Newbie